Random Thoughts

For the past several years I have tortured myself with caring about people that are full of hate, anger and who are have been down right negative towards myself and my family. Basically, they could care less. For when I was going through a similar experience of a recent one of theirs, with the exception of  1 or 2 the rest were nowhere to be found. I am not stating this out of any anger, resentment nor any other reason except from a point of observation.

 What I find most ironic is how I have been told that I am spoiled and selfish. Yes, I have been spoiled with the love of a great man for me; selfish....maybe but, I an rather happy, which is much better than playing the part of a martyr,  which is really a very selfish form of a controlling person who is miserable.

Where did all of this come from you ask? For simply sharing a photograph with a family member. I did not share for me, I shared it for the family member. Talk about being selfish, not sharing is selfish.

 Well, I have decided to make a huge change, I have made a conscious decision to no longer care, I don't need them, further more, I no longer desire to have this type of person or persons in my life.

 I have walked though all the questions thrown at me, I have stood by my husband 100% and I would not change that for the world. I have walked a life filled with so much abuse I became some what addicted to it, the only difference was it came from outside my immediate family ( husband & kids). It was emotional, psychological and all about control. From what I have learned only insecure people can not share and feel the need to control everything; from my personal experience this type of insecurity is always worried about appearances, thankfully I am aware of that and my personal demon gets smaller and smaller every month or so.

 All those lies, insults and anger will eat at anyone flinging them in our direction. Those who participate in those type of action will eventually have to answer to their maker for such actions, just as will for my actions. I have asked for forgiveness, making necessary changes not to participate in actions which have prompted having to ask for any more forgiveness.

   I am standing strong, holding true to my beliefs and confident in my convictions. Maybe even more so now.

  Moving on to enjoy my life, the one I share with my best friend, my sons, family some by blood and many others who are not, yet family just the same!

 Looking forward to our bright new future free to be who we are.

Don't you just dislike it when you offer to share something of yours with someone else, with the specific words, " You may borrow these, they have great sentimental meaning for me. As the person who gave me these are no longer alive".
 Only to never, ever have these items returned.

Another situation had happened when I had spoke to someone about my grandfather's christening gown. Years later another family thought I was in possession of their christening gown. Difference is my grandfather's gown had his initials embroideried on the back of the garment.

 Sometimes, I wonder about how much people enable poor behavior or responsibilities. Haven't they ever wondered if the those people will fair in case of the enablers death?

 Why do many cigarette smokers believe the entire planet is their ash tray? Not All smokers do this, yet sadly more are less considerate than those I know who are very considerate.

 Giving or sending a gift, not receiving a thank you for it. It doesn't have to be a thank you card, it can be verbal as it is the polite think to do, no matter who you are. My solution after a few gifts, no more gifts.

Why do the crows always doody on my car right after I wash it? He he he, so that maybe I'd wash it more often? I think that is the lesson.

 Respect for traditions, people, and their views appears to be on a downward spiral.

Those who are not happy within their own lives tend to rag or dish the happy people to others who are more than happy to jump on the bandwagon.

 People who taken profuse advantage of other people who are giving, causing the givers silent grief, mental health or sometimes their physical health.

Those who have plenty to say behind your back, but never have the courage to say it to you directly or eye to eye.

Those who can not apologize......Those who will not forgive.

Just ramblings of things that popped into my head at this moment.

   As some of you may have figured out, I am a full blown Gemini which often creates lots of conflict within myself.  Even before I knew the ins and outs of the what the astrological characteristics of a Gemini are, I have always had at least two ideas, emotions, or views on everything.

   As I have grown and adapted to life as it unfolds before me, I have come to accept that internal conflict of  the constant changing of my mind,view, and heart, but not always in a graceful way.

  An example of this conflict happened just this past weekend. I had made a plan for something on Saturday. Upon awaking on Saturday morning, I had a gut feeling that the time was not right for me to be at this planned meet. I made a few calls, changing the plans.

  Instead I spent Saturday in pleasant company with my husband and our dogs looking a property. When we ended up being at home earlier than expected, I thought; "Hey, maybe I can still do that other thing!"  Totally neglecting my gut instinct. I made some calls and it became very apparent that it was not meant to be. That although I did not want to "miss" out, maybe Creator had a different plan for me. I loved what my Sis said "Sometimes, it's worth being left out". As I learned all the detours and obstacles that she experienced along the way I came to understand that despite my change of mind, it wasn't meant to be at all, for myself that is.

   My toughest lesson is to learn how to resolve these conflicting feelings, ideas and emotions in a smooth less emotional way, a more balanced way. With the love and support of my husband, I have been given some tools to do just that.

   I need to make a choice and stick with it, while not ignoring my instincts.

  I am a very fortunate woman, because I have many very loving people in my life.

      I am truly grateful for them all.

 Wishing everyone a bright and wonderful day, never stop learning!

  Just as I see a whole bright, fun, love filled future ahead of me, I see many wonderful people that I know experiencing awesome events in their lives. New loves, new friends, new family and many are moving forward to new physical places in their lives.

  I am so happy to see these people move forward for they inspire me to stay true to what I believe as well as to the goals and intentions I have set for myself, and those to that Shaun and I have made as a couple.

  We have had some amazing spiritual opportunities present themselves which we are preparing to embark on. Woo Who, I am eager to begin.

 The skies the limit, another words limitless. Amazing things are happening in a beautiful way that I had previously only dreamed of. Dreams do come true!

  For those who have really stuck by me through thick, thin, depressed, filled with joy and all those emotions, situations in between, THANK YOU!

  For those changing locations, safe travels and blessings on your new homes. For those with new loves, may you be blessed with great communication and understanding. For those with new friends, may they be ones you will have for a lifetime! And for those with new family members, may you enjoy their love, include them and be blessed with good health.

 In Love and Light~

  I find it interesting how people  will willingly forget things, events, and dates to make them seem above others in the event of a difficulty within a relationship.

   I used to resort to such behavior, and I have come to learn there is a better way to behave. Sure there are things that I do not remember, yet when I tell someone my view or side of things if you will, of a difficulty I often refer to phrases such as: "This is how it made me feel"; "This is how it came across"; "This is how I meant it", and-or "As I remember, but I can't be for sure".  This way it lets people know that I am only giving them information as I remember, intended, or felt it, allowing for flaws as there are always more than two sides to a situation. I have come to know that there are multiple facets.

  In my more youthful days I used to listen to my Daddy Glen who could often be heard saying; "When I was young, I saw everything as being very black and white with very little to no gray areas in between. But as I got older I realized that there was very little black and white, with lots of gray areas between."  I too see this as I have aged. I use the word facets instead of gray, I think the ideas parallel.

  An old difficulty has come up again, for whatever reason, I have come to a few conclusions from rehashing this old difficulty. The people perpetuating the difficulty are either fearful, intimidated to learn the truth, or it could be they do not want to know or accept that their lives or family is not as perfect as the illusion they'd like you to believe.

  If these did not apply then why not simply reach for a phone, do a google search for email, or write a letter asking what is wrong?

  Instead it is much easier to deflect responsibility that they might have to account for, by including outside individuals to do their supposing and assuming for them, spreading speculation, half truths, and attempting to imply shame. All to garner pity, being a victim, and or being a martyr, which are some of the oldest ploys in the book for attempting to control, manipulate individuals, and on a spiritual level to steal energy.

  As long as they continue their ploys, they might never know the answer to their "why".

Sad to know, that I have been in that place at one time or another, the results were undue stress, resentment and guilt. Which got me nowhere.

  Each person will respond in their own way to such a situation, yet if it is never asked than one may never know why things have turned out they way they are.

 Its on them. Do what you will, give it your all and in the end it will not change a thing, until you have the courage to ask why, maybe a little forgiveness. the willingness to listen to another view, acceptance of other's imperfections, the openness to accept life on life's terms, and willingness to give control to the only one who should have it....Creator!