Random Thoughts

 In my view, it is a parents responsibility to raise well rounded, responsible, courteous, open minded, independent, caring individuals to whom we will leave the future. We ought to give them roots, responsibilities, discipline, guidance, a good foundation, love and laughter.

  We ought to respect what our children chose to do with their lives, accepting them for who they are,  giving emotional support for who they are. We further ought to accept their chosen fields of employment,  even if these choices make us as parents uncomfortable when they are placed in dangerous situations for it is their life. A life they are living, it is not ours.

  My personal experience with raising children has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. No doubt mistakes have been made. I found that when I own my mistakes and take responsibility for them, it created a relationship filled with respect and love.


 I have encouraged my sons to be themselves even if it is against the trends of the current world. My sons owe me nothing. I chose to bring them into this world. I have no hidden nor unreasonable expectations. They know only thing I expect them to do, is to respect my wishes when my time comes. My sons and husband know exactly what those wishes are.

 In a nutshell, I expect my sons to go out and live their lives,  beholden only to their wife and children. Well, I guess to their employer too.

When you repeatedly discount the feelings of others that you claim to love and care about.
When you show no respect for those same people, does it really surprise you that they do not take time out of their day for you.
 
 If you ask me, it shouldn't.

 For myself personally, I have set aside my personal feelings for many a year, taken a lot of emotional hits, some intended, some not, to keep the peace. I have more or less forced the members of this household to attend necessary and important functions. We have done our best. However, we have gotten flack for not attending some functions. Having some knowledge of the function would have helped, some notice, maybe more than 3 days or the day of, might have helped, or maybe not mentioning that reservations had been made prior to your invite which anticipated a "no" response.
 For myself, the misinterpretation, the resulting pain was brushed under the rug. I forgive you but I haven't forgotten. I can only speak for myself.
  I must admit, that now I can no longer convince the members of my household to attend any functions. I am tired of trying.
  I am done with being in the middle of trying to keep this together, I am done being your personal door mat, I am done with being blamed for everything.
 Should you still feel the need to blame someone, try looking at how you have treated the ones you "so called " love and care about.

 I have been told to raise above and be the stronger person. Honestly, I have been doing that for years, all it has gotten me in this situation is more heart ache, more headaches and more emotional stress.

 Enough already!

It has been 7 years since your passing, Mother's day once again around the corner. So much has changed and in some ways stayed the same. Same difficulties with some of the same people, still battling myself in areas of my life, and learning what you have always said., " Lesa, some people you just have to keep at arms length".
There are so many things that you taught me, whether or not, you thought I ever did. (SMILE) I have finally learned to be responsible for my actions (ha ha ha, have you fallen on the floor yet?). I have learned to appreciate the simpler things in life, like a day gardening in the yard, not having to be on the go all the time, keeping myself busy. I guess that it because I am truly happy with my life.
Oh, I have questions I had wished I had asked when you were here in the planet about our family, your life as a child and the name of the cat that was raised with Cindi the black cocker spaniel.
Most of all I wish to say, I love you Mom and I miss you very much! Yet, I know that you are in a very wonderful place, a place of peace. That makes my heart like with joy for you.

As I reflect I see that this year will be the first year in 7 that I will have both boys around, what a special gift...the first year friends thought I should be at Rendezvous for Mother's day, that turned out not to be such a great idea on so many different levels. Rendezvous was great, but I wasn't. That next year Christopher was in Georgia or on his way to Iraq, and the years have kind of jumbled together from there.
A special thank you for keep an eye on Christopher from above. Thank you!
It is much to say thanks for and I am lucky enough to have my boys who don't need Mother's day to do something special for their mom...for they say "Mom's should be thanked everyday, not just on "Mother's Day".
The little thank you's that happen everyday, means a lot, not just for me, but to everyone in everyday life.
I love you Mom~

Having an open mind is only part of the equation for success and prosperity in all areas of your life. An open heart, willingness to accept that you are a good person and that you are worthy of love, light, happiness, success and prosperity in all levels/aspects in your life is another part of the equation. 

~Lesa Beliakoff-Bielman

This is my place to share my thoughts however random with freedom to express myself in full, some might say to fully.
 Most of those who have known me most of my life know of my "Daddy-Glen" and have just figured that he was my father. Well, he was, for he was always there, not always in a positive fashion, which I choose not to discuss. You will read into it what you will and what you suspect is probably correct. That being said, I would like to share with you what Daddy Glen taught me,
 He taught me to work on cars, ride motorcycles, drive tractors and road-graders. He taught me how to start responsible fires (he was a fireman), for burning weeds and debris. He was active in my learning to swim, water-ski and fly. He never said "Girls can't do that!". He usually said, "here let me explain how to do that"," let me show you how", and "I think you can do it, just give it your best". Most of all he encouraged my freedom of speech, although I think he wished he hadn't after allowing that for, I being the rebel that I am, always had a different view point that he rarely liked, agreed with and some times darn right hated, what I had to say.
 He read, 10 or more books in a week, in fact he is the one person that taught me schooling isn't everything. He was raised during the depression and had to quit school in the 8th grade, but you really would never know it unless you saw the way he would spell boat (bote). He also believed that education was all around you, you just had to see it, experience it and apply it. One of his most amazing talents was spotting tools on the freeway, and stopping in time to gather them (though I am sure, he would not recommend that type of action on today's freeways).
 Most of all he was a story teller. Sometimes fanciful, sometimes prophetic. He used to ask me do you know why "Rice Road" was named rice, I said no. And he would be off. He told me that the road people had run out of concrete, asphalt, gravel, dirt, and sand. All they had left to make the road was rice.
 Every time we ventured through Yucca Valley and 29 Palms he would say that the saber tooth tiger was still chasing the giant tortoise, but that he tortoise was still ahead, he went on to say that he has only seem them move 5 inches in the past 25 years. Fun stories, and it's no wonder that he got the name of "Whooper Kelly"
 Prophetic, in that he once said that we would become a cashless society, to which we are very close today. That if we were not careful in who we voted for and on, we would have all of our freedoms taken away. not too much of a stretch to see that today. That the government would issue us all numbers and that if we didn't have a number, we would not be known. Funny, I have in my possession, 2 Social Security Cards that read, not for identification purposes imprinted on them. Yet today, you must have a Social Security Card.
 It seems that he had more wisdom than time to share.
 If he could remember who I was, I would love to sit down and share with him how much he taught me about the world. How much I apprecatie the freedom of speech that he allowed he and how, some how, he often protected me, when he could from my mothers wrath and fists.
 Thank you Daddy Glen, Glen Whopper Kelly! Thank you for being my dad.

Ldb (JB)