Random Thoughts

I unfortunately or fortunately, how ever you might want to say it. Just saw a story that really disturbed my soul. It was about an honor roll student who was hit in the head with a railroad tie, then once down, was repeatedly hit over and over again. Only to be hit one more time by the railroad tie.
Sadly no one would help, no one would come to his aide, sadly many did not display any emotion what so ever, someone continued to video tape it for our "supposed" viewing pleasure.
Sadly, very sadly the young man died.

The person reporting on this tragedy said, how could this happen in America?
I have an idea.
In the past decade we have bombarded our children with devices that disconnect us to human interaction. I know I have witnessed it myself. My son and many of his friends used to talk a lot to each other, until the new Iphone appeared on the scene. Now most of his friends hang out, occasionally looking at each other occasionally speaking a few words. What are they doing? They are busy texting each other and other friends. Most no longer interact by any other means.

Surprisingly, their are those strong enough to break this spell. They read, they talk and play games with their friends who have not been afforded these devices.
I guess this really hits home because recently, our oldest was home, his cell phone was only in his pocket when he wasn't at the house. The old neighborhood kids got together, they skateboarded, rode their bikes, played multi-player video games, listened to vinyl, and watched movies together. Shaun said to me,"You know the same sounds have been coming out of that room for the past 17 years". He continued, "it might be just as loud as it used to be". "I disagree", I said. "For now instead of of there being 8-10 kids in the room, now there were only 5 or 6 with deeper voices that carry much further".

I guess what I am saying is take time to go without those devices so that we don't become a country of sleep walking people.

Remembering Linda, my mother, my sometimes sister and often later in life my daughter. "You Jest" you say. I say "Not!". Funny when you grow up depending on only one another it can breed a very interesting, strange and strained relationship.
In hind sight, I am sure that much had to do with my mother's own up bringing, combined with the loss of her mother at the age of 24 with many things left unsaid, unresolved and no understanding of the whys in her life.
By the age of 30 Linda also lost her sister, her only sibling and her 4 young nephews. In some ways she had lost her sister years before due to lifestyles that we unacceptable to Linda. Not only were they unacceptable (hippy era); drugs and rock n roll, which proved to be at times life threatening.
As Linda moved through these situations they changed her, as with all of the life experiences had, in time although very capable, Linda grew more fearful every year. Lossing more and more self- esteem, confidence, and in some ways the loss of her life force.
By the time I was in 5th grade, I was responsible to have dinner pretty much done when she arrived home after work, I cooked, cleaned, reluctantly did the dishes ( I honestly hid as many as I could instead of doing them), did the laundry, mowed the lawn and yes even washed the cars. I would make sure my mother got up in the morning to make it to work, make the coffee. We had one of those coffee pots that had a pot on the bottom and a funnel like top, as the water would boil, it would come to the top of the funnel and it needed to simmer for just a few, if it went too long...it would boil all over the top of the stove making one heck of a mess.
So yes, maybe now you can see why I was "mother" too.
Sisters at times. I hope I never forget, going to the Induros, a type of motorcycle race based on time management and skill, with Glen (step-father~kind of). We would walk to the outhouse together, my mother was scared to death to be by herself, and on the way back to where our camp was, she would start running, then she would start laughing. In turn I would start running and I too would start laughing to a point that we would have to run back to the out house to relieve ourselves again. Sometimes it would take us an hour for our "little walk". Those experiences still bring a huge smile to my face.
Or that funny little thing that she used to do when it was cold out side. We would get into the car or inside our warm home and she would jump and make a eer sound. What's really funny is that I didn't notice it until a friend of hers pointed it out one time, then it caused us both (mom & I) to laugh everytime we noticed her doing it.
I miss my mom.
You know what I thought was very strange and for the longest time I could not grasp was my mother's jealousy. How showed itself...she would pick on me, she would try to impress me and what I didn't get for even a longer time...she would try to compete with me, she would become so annoyed when I wouldn't compete along with her. Frankly I didn't have a clue.
Strange what will pop into your head at moments like these, I can distinctly remember Christopher and I sitting in a car talking waiting for Grandma Linda to do whatever it was she was doing. When I looked at him and said, "I hope you never feel the way I do about your grandmother, about me". He looked over at me and said "don't worry mama, I love you". In response I said, "You don't understand, I love my mother very much, I don't like a lot of what she does". That gave me some real insight.
Just before my mother passed, I remember her actually telling that she was jealous of me, in spite of her wanting me to have a better life than she had had. She was jealous that I had all that she had wanted. A real partner in life (Shaun) and a good relationship with my boys. She added "Even if you are too hard on them". That cracked me up, her telling me I was too hard on them...didn't she remember how hard she was on me???
Which brings me yet to another wonderful memory of my mother. She had decided early on with the boys that instead of trying to fulfill their wishes on holidays & birthdays, also in attempt to curtail duplicate items from other family. My mother just took them shopping. She would hand them each x amount of money and then they had to decide what they wanted most within their budget. They would spend hours going store to store, aisle to aisle, until they figured out just what they wanted & could afford. You know everyone looked forward to that special time with their Grandma Linda.
Just some of the wonderful experiences I am happy that they shared with my mother.
(ldb)

A Simple Lesson for the Brain:

I don't know who wrote this but he nailed it!

Once upon a time the government had a vast junk yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said , "someone may steal from it at night.." So they created a night 
watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So
they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write 
the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks 
correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people.
One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created 
the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two
people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?
"So they created an administrative section and hired three people,
an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and 
we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly. Let it sink in.

Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the
DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY ..... during the Carter Administration?
Anybody?

Anything?

No?

Didn't think so!

Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency 
... the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!

Ready?? It was very simple ... and, at the time, everybody thought it very 
appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8-04-1977. 
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND, NOW, IT'S 2009 -- 32 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS
"NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. THEY HAVE 16,000
FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND, 
LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?"

Ah, yes -- good ole bureaucracy.

I am very proud to have the sons that I do. Down to earth, independent, (except housing)self-sufficient, strong and stand for what they believe in. They compliment each other with their differences and common interests enough to be brothers and friends. We are close, because we have had to be; want to be; we are not each others best friends, nor do we strive to be.
I believe that is because we truly respect each other, love and have compassion. Sure we have our differences, but the bond holds strong, but not binding.

Do we really know the cycles of the earth, is it warming, or is it cooling? What I do know is that the mid-Atlantic conveyor system is slightly off this year, and that is truly something I worry about.

Competition can be healthy, a friendly game, a school sports team, or even in a car cruise. I know all about competition, I knowingly competed in sports since the second grade, where we ran to the back fence and back in the school yard. Never did I realize how deep my competition went.
In Jr. High I started on the track team, was fair at running and I loved to run.
But I wasn't fast, fast enough, but not enough for all those short distances. Soon the classes were running further than just 50, 100 and 200 yard dashes. We began running quarter mile and half mile, that is when I became aware the I was doing better, not in last place, for what I didn't have in speed I had in stamina.
In High School, I heard of Cross Country running, I wasn't too sure of that, I wasn't sure at all. A fellow class mate Pam Corrales, and myself were the first two girls on our schools cross country team. Pam was very good, (fasted in the league at that time)I lagged behind, far behind the first part of the season. Then I started in improve. It was very strange and cool at the same time, for there wasn't but a few girls in the league at that time. The following year things grew, and grew quickly.
We had Julie Reams, Jackie Bennette and Karen Morris as the most notable in the entire league. They were all awesome. In a nutshell I stuck with the team the next 4 years, working up to an average of 125 miles a week. Some days were short distance days, others were tough. One loop in particular started at California High school near the corner of Mills and Mulberry, on the south/eastern edge of Whittier, and went to Workman Mill peak (a hill) at the north western edge of Whittier. That loop alone was 25 miles.
What happened during this time is what has sparked some interesting behavior in myself. I would walk down a street, I found that if someone tried to walk past me in the same direction, I would speed up my pace. Soon I noticed I did the same thing while driving, with girlfriends (seeing who could get a date first) and so on. Then one day in my senior year, it all came to a head so to say. Suddenly, I was tired of competing in everything I did. So tired that my coach worked hard on talking me out of quitting the team. Boy was I glad he did. For that year we were able to take the league in both Cross Country, Track & Field landing us in CIF finals. It was a blast!
I changed my focus and still did good, I now had a healthier outlook on the rest of my life. I didn't speed up when walkers were starting to pass me, nor did I compete with other drivers on the road.
That lesson was learned.
Please don't think for one minute that I still don't think about speeding up when that car in the next lane is edging upon me, because I do. I am human and it is natural to compete; after all that is how our species has survived. So the next time you find yourself, subconsciously speeding up when that car or person is edging up to you, just chalk it up the genetic memory.

The following has nothing to do with competition, but everything to do with a memory from the team I was on that Senior year. It was round 2 of CIF finals, Track and Field, as we sat and watched our competition our spirits kind of got lost. I don't know if it was because we were burned out, or if we just knew we were going be toast but this song has stuck in my head.
It's an old tune; "going to the Chapel and we going get married".
Strange you say! Why yes it is! Team members changed the words and it stuck: "going to the track meet and were going to get buried". Every time I hear that song, I smile and sing the words we did that surreal day in 1980.
Yes, it is very strange, but very fond memories.
~LB

Pondering life's thoughts often come at the most unique times, most unexpected times. Thinking back on all the people I have known, loved and lost. It is easy to come to a place where everything becomes negative, depressing and downright heart wrenching.
Picking up a newspaper, turning on the television, checking your email we are almost all bombarded with upsetting news. From weather, wildfires and earthquakes to robberies, politics and gang shootings. Again it may cause you to think, what's the use, everything seems to have so much unnecessary negative vibes.
I used to feel really bad for losing a unborn one, a young one, and the really special people in my life. Of course I feel the loss of them and there is pain, for the physical presence now gone. Yet overall I am happy for those who have come a gone, for how they have touched, influenced and in some cases changed my life. Happy that from my view point, they have learned, taught and touched all that and who they were, for lack of better words, destined to reach.
Believing the way I do, everything has a purpose, a life blueprint, maybe even pre-destined outcome. Many would elude me to being a fatalist, categorize me as a nutcase and or just out of this realm. That may very well be, so believe what you will, what you must. All is based on my experiences in my life.
It sort of starts with my father abandoning me before I was born claiming that I was not his, until I was nearly 16. When I was 2 almost 3 years old my grandmother perished in a car collision which nearly killed my grandfather too. It did cause the death of the beloved family dog, Cindy. All to often I have heard that it was so sad that I would never know my grandmother, that I would not ever remember her. In which case my mother often caused alarm to those with such thoughts, for I remembered, the home she lived in, bringing my grandmother her medicine, and playing with grandma in her favorite medium of clay.
Life went along fairly smooth for a while, with the exception of my mother barely having enough money to make ends meet. Surviving a few car accidents.

1971 was a most memorable year. In February Newhall, California experienced a 6.9 earthquake. My mother was terrified of earthquakes, back then I thought it was because her boyfriend Glen (who I choose to call my step father) was a firefighter. We were lucky enough to hear from him about once or twice within the next several weeks of clean up and repair. My mother purchased our home, which completely changed our lives. Not necessarily in a positive way from my view point. Enjoyed our first two pets a puppy named Fritz and cat named Rachel.
My first year attending the neighborhood school and meeting my long time friend Delene (still in contact with). It was a huge year for me.
I often associate more loss with this year as well even though it was really in the beginning of 1972. It was very early morning. I woke up to my mother's voice on edge and sobbing. It was the end of the New Year's holiday weekend. The call was informing my mother that her sister had died, along with her 4 children. The news threw me into a tailspin, coming to believe at that time that this was all a very horrible joke. The only Aunt that I knew and the only cousins that I knew were all gone. I felt extremely alone. As I look now, I can only imagine how my Uncle felt, having his entire family snatched from him, for him to having had survived, alone. Yet, it wasn't over yet. My aunt and cousins death was followed by my step grandmother's a month later as well as my uncle's mother a month after that.

Somehow, I was blessed with the eyes to watch as my uncle put himself back together, reconnecting with people he had helped in his life and eventually becoming whole once again.
A few years later, he met the second love of his life, married, had another child and believe it or not has no regrets for the way his life has worked out. What I have left out up to this point, is that my uncle nearly lost his life that early morning, 3 different times. A series of 3 ones. If he had slept 1 more minute, took 1 more breathe of smoke, cut 1 millimeter deeper, he would have died. Clearly, he wasn't finished with what he was to do.
I believe that is when I came to believe in something beyond all of us. Call it what ever you will, but I truly believe it is there. Something that keeps me from harms way, puts me in harms way for what ever reason, lesson, learning that I am to experience.
For me there is no senseless death, killing, or disaster, it all has a purpose. Whether it is for you to see the purpose or not is not something I can say, for only you would be able to answer that question.
I can share what I believe, what I have experienced and offer an alternative view.
I did not write this sharing my thoughts and experience for sympathy, nor to brag, simply to share why I am the way I am. Who I am.
This is only a brief portion of my life that I feel comfortable to share at this time, I am fairly sure that I will share more as time goes on.
~LB