Spirit Stuff ~Pondering my Life's thoughts
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Pondering life's thoughts often come at the most unique times, most unexpected times. Thinking back on all the people I have known, loved and lost. It is easy to come to a place where everything becomes negative, depressing and downright heart wrenching.
Picking up a newspaper, turning on the television, checking your email we are almost all bombarded with upsetting news. From weather, wildfires and earthquakes to robberies, politics and gang shootings. Again it may cause you to think, what's the use, everything seems to have so much unnecessary negative vibes.
I used to feel really bad for losing a unborn one, a young one, and the really special people in my life. Of course I feel the loss of them and there is pain, for the physical presence now gone. Yet overall I am happy for those who have come a gone, for how they have touched, influenced and in some cases changed my life. Happy that from my view point, they have learned, taught and touched all that and who they were, for lack of better words, destined to reach.
Believing the way I do, everything has a purpose, a life blueprint, maybe even pre-destined outcome. Many would elude me to being a fatalist, categorize me as a nutcase and or just out of this realm. That may very well be, so believe what you will, what you must. All is based on my experiences in my life.
It sort of starts with my father abandoning me before I was born claiming that I was not his, until I was nearly 16. When I was 2 almost 3 years old my grandmother perished in a car collision which nearly killed my grandfather too. It did cause the death of the beloved family dog, Cindy. All to often I have heard that it was so sad that I would never know my grandmother, that I would not ever remember her. In which case my mother often caused alarm to those with such thoughts, for I remembered, the home she lived in, bringing my grandmother her medicine, and playing with grandma in her favorite medium of clay.
Life went along fairly smooth for a while, with the exception of my mother barely having enough money to make ends meet. Surviving a few car accidents.
1971 was a most memorable year. In February Newhall, California experienced a 6.9 earthquake. My mother was terrified of earthquakes, back then I thought it was because her boyfriend Glen (who I choose to call my step father) was a firefighter. We were lucky enough to hear from him about once or twice within the next several weeks of clean up and repair. My mother purchased our home, which completely changed our lives. Not necessarily in a positive way from my view point. Enjoyed our first two pets a puppy named Fritz and cat named Rachel.
My first year attending the neighborhood school and meeting my long time friend Delene (still in contact with). It was a huge year for me.
I often associate more loss with this year as well even though it was really in the beginning of 1972. It was very early morning. I woke up to my mother's voice on edge and sobbing. It was the end of the New Year's holiday weekend. The call was informing my mother that her sister had died, along with her 4 children. The news threw me into a tailspin, coming to believe at that time that this was all a very horrible joke. The only Aunt that I knew and the only cousins that I knew were all gone. I felt extremely alone. As I look now, I can only imagine how my Uncle felt, having his entire family snatched from him, for him to having had survived, alone. Yet, it wasn't over yet. My aunt and cousins death was followed by my step grandmother's a month later as well as my uncle's mother a month after that.
Somehow, I was blessed with the eyes to watch as my uncle put himself back together, reconnecting with people he had helped in his life and eventually becoming whole once again.
A few years later, he met the second love of his life, married, had another child and believe it or not has no regrets for the way his life has worked out. What I have left out up to this point, is that my uncle nearly lost his life that early morning, 3 different times. A series of 3 ones. If he had slept 1 more minute, took 1 more breathe of smoke, cut 1 millimeter deeper, he would have died. Clearly, he wasn't finished with what he was to do.
I believe that is when I came to believe in something beyond all of us. Call it what ever you will, but I truly believe it is there. Something that keeps me from harms way, puts me in harms way for what ever reason, lesson, learning that I am to experience.
For me there is no senseless death, killing, or disaster, it all has a purpose. Whether it is for you to see the purpose or not is not something I can say, for only you would be able to answer that question.
I can share what I believe, what I have experienced and offer an alternative view.
I did not write this sharing my thoughts and experience for sympathy, nor to brag, simply to share why I am the way I am. Who I am.
This is only a brief portion of my life that I feel comfortable to share at this time, I am fairly sure that I will share more as time goes on.
~LB
Picking up a newspaper, turning on the television, checking your email we are almost all bombarded with upsetting news. From weather, wildfires and earthquakes to robberies, politics and gang shootings. Again it may cause you to think, what's the use, everything seems to have so much unnecessary negative vibes.
I used to feel really bad for losing a unborn one, a young one, and the really special people in my life. Of course I feel the loss of them and there is pain, for the physical presence now gone. Yet overall I am happy for those who have come a gone, for how they have touched, influenced and in some cases changed my life. Happy that from my view point, they have learned, taught and touched all that and who they were, for lack of better words, destined to reach.
Believing the way I do, everything has a purpose, a life blueprint, maybe even pre-destined outcome. Many would elude me to being a fatalist, categorize me as a nutcase and or just out of this realm. That may very well be, so believe what you will, what you must. All is based on my experiences in my life.
It sort of starts with my father abandoning me before I was born claiming that I was not his, until I was nearly 16. When I was 2 almost 3 years old my grandmother perished in a car collision which nearly killed my grandfather too. It did cause the death of the beloved family dog, Cindy. All to often I have heard that it was so sad that I would never know my grandmother, that I would not ever remember her. In which case my mother often caused alarm to those with such thoughts, for I remembered, the home she lived in, bringing my grandmother her medicine, and playing with grandma in her favorite medium of clay.
Life went along fairly smooth for a while, with the exception of my mother barely having enough money to make ends meet. Surviving a few car accidents.
1971 was a most memorable year. In February Newhall, California experienced a 6.9 earthquake. My mother was terrified of earthquakes, back then I thought it was because her boyfriend Glen (who I choose to call my step father) was a firefighter. We were lucky enough to hear from him about once or twice within the next several weeks of clean up and repair. My mother purchased our home, which completely changed our lives. Not necessarily in a positive way from my view point. Enjoyed our first two pets a puppy named Fritz and cat named Rachel.
My first year attending the neighborhood school and meeting my long time friend Delene (still in contact with). It was a huge year for me.
I often associate more loss with this year as well even though it was really in the beginning of 1972. It was very early morning. I woke up to my mother's voice on edge and sobbing. It was the end of the New Year's holiday weekend. The call was informing my mother that her sister had died, along with her 4 children. The news threw me into a tailspin, coming to believe at that time that this was all a very horrible joke. The only Aunt that I knew and the only cousins that I knew were all gone. I felt extremely alone. As I look now, I can only imagine how my Uncle felt, having his entire family snatched from him, for him to having had survived, alone. Yet, it wasn't over yet. My aunt and cousins death was followed by my step grandmother's a month later as well as my uncle's mother a month after that.
Somehow, I was blessed with the eyes to watch as my uncle put himself back together, reconnecting with people he had helped in his life and eventually becoming whole once again.
A few years later, he met the second love of his life, married, had another child and believe it or not has no regrets for the way his life has worked out. What I have left out up to this point, is that my uncle nearly lost his life that early morning, 3 different times. A series of 3 ones. If he had slept 1 more minute, took 1 more breathe of smoke, cut 1 millimeter deeper, he would have died. Clearly, he wasn't finished with what he was to do.
I believe that is when I came to believe in something beyond all of us. Call it what ever you will, but I truly believe it is there. Something that keeps me from harms way, puts me in harms way for what ever reason, lesson, learning that I am to experience.
For me there is no senseless death, killing, or disaster, it all has a purpose. Whether it is for you to see the purpose or not is not something I can say, for only you would be able to answer that question.
I can share what I believe, what I have experienced and offer an alternative view.
I did not write this sharing my thoughts and experience for sympathy, nor to brag, simply to share why I am the way I am. Who I am.
This is only a brief portion of my life that I feel comfortable to share at this time, I am fairly sure that I will share more as time goes on.
~LB
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