Random Thoughts

I felt a need to respond to people's misinterpretation of my post titled "I am Weird?"


Back in the day, I would have looked for ways to upset your life, and keep it going for a long time.

Today, I pray.

Life is far too short to make mountains out of mole hills, yet, I still do so, many times. I am far from perfect, I really don't strive to be perfect either. Being perfect is much more work than I care to deal with. Instead, I strive for progress, that! I can be successful at.


Should you feel the need in stir things up, you might look at yourself first. I can not speak for you, but I can share of my experiences. When I have felt the need to stir things up, for me it was a distraction for what was really bothering me. You know, stuff about myself, my life or my partner that I choose not to address. For myself, it was much easier to view, take inventory if you will, of someone else's life and see what was wrong in my opinion, rather than to deal with what was at hand in my own life.


I have sowed a hard road, some by choice, some not. I take full responsibility for my choices in my life and the outcomes. Which has not always been very pleasant. I also take part responsibility for my reactions to choices that were out of my control.
I am the way I am, simply because I am. My life experiences, my surroundings, and the people who have been in my life.


Oh, I could blame the character defects, so to speak, on all those surrounding me, or I can choose to make a difference. Some 20+ years ago, I chose to make a difference.
Oh believe you me, I digress here and there, I don't feel as strong as I would like, nor as wise as I wish to be at times. I believe that is just being human.
So today, I choose to pray for your peace, your happiness and for you to receive everything in life you desire.


By some strange happenings, not of my doing, nor any other human influence, I have seen people receive exactly what they have given, sometimes 3 fold; good or bad, seems to make no difference. It is in Great Spirit's hands not mine.


What I do know, is that I have a great, wonderful, and loving support group of family and friends that help me through rough times in my life and are there to to celebrate the great little things in my life. These wonderful people start with my husband, followed by my sons, my sisters of blood and spirit (JABS that includes you!). As I have written before, I have a strong spirit family out of choice of love rather than by the dictated ties of blood.


If this offends you, I ask why? For I respect your choices in life, why shouldn't you respect mine?


Should you feel the need to go after my family, husband, son, sisters, brothers, and/or friends, with similar untruths or misinterpretations, I can react much as a mother bear or badger would to protect it's family. Yes, I can be tenacious and relentless when it comes to things I believe. This is not a threat, nor should it be perceived as a threat, it is a honest as I can be. For when you enter my circle, so to speak, I am loyal to the end.


In closing I would like to quote a movie "You can play the blame game clear back to Adam and Eve, Or I can start with yourself". I have chosen to start with me.

I unfortunately or fortunately, how ever you might want to say it. Just saw a story that really disturbed my soul. It was about an honor roll student who was hit in the head with a railroad tie, then once down, was repeatedly hit over and over again. Only to be hit one more time by the railroad tie.
Sadly no one would help, no one would come to his aide, sadly many did not display any emotion what so ever, someone continued to video tape it for our "supposed" viewing pleasure.
Sadly, very sadly the young man died.

The person reporting on this tragedy said, how could this happen in America?
I have an idea.
In the past decade we have bombarded our children with devices that disconnect us to human interaction. I know I have witnessed it myself. My son and many of his friends used to talk a lot to each other, until the new Iphone appeared on the scene. Now most of his friends hang out, occasionally looking at each other occasionally speaking a few words. What are they doing? They are busy texting each other and other friends. Most no longer interact by any other means.

Surprisingly, their are those strong enough to break this spell. They read, they talk and play games with their friends who have not been afforded these devices.
I guess this really hits home because recently, our oldest was home, his cell phone was only in his pocket when he wasn't at the house. The old neighborhood kids got together, they skateboarded, rode their bikes, played multi-player video games, listened to vinyl, and watched movies together. Shaun said to me,"You know the same sounds have been coming out of that room for the past 17 years". He continued, "it might be just as loud as it used to be". "I disagree", I said. "For now instead of of there being 8-10 kids in the room, now there were only 5 or 6 with deeper voices that carry much further".

I guess what I am saying is take time to go without those devices so that we don't become a country of sleep walking people.

Remembering Linda, my mother, my sometimes sister and often later in life my daughter. "You Jest" you say. I say "Not!". Funny when you grow up depending on only one another it can breed a very interesting, strange and strained relationship.
In hind sight, I am sure that much had to do with my mother's own up bringing, combined with the loss of her mother at the age of 24 with many things left unsaid, unresolved and no understanding of the whys in her life.
By the age of 30 Linda also lost her sister, her only sibling and her 4 young nephews. In some ways she had lost her sister years before due to lifestyles that we unacceptable to Linda. Not only were they unacceptable (hippy era); drugs and rock n roll, which proved to be at times life threatening.
As Linda moved through these situations they changed her, as with all of the life experiences had, in time although very capable, Linda grew more fearful every year. Lossing more and more self- esteem, confidence, and in some ways the loss of her life force.
By the time I was in 5th grade, I was responsible to have dinner pretty much done when she arrived home after work, I cooked, cleaned, reluctantly did the dishes ( I honestly hid as many as I could instead of doing them), did the laundry, mowed the lawn and yes even washed the cars. I would make sure my mother got up in the morning to make it to work, make the coffee. We had one of those coffee pots that had a pot on the bottom and a funnel like top, as the water would boil, it would come to the top of the funnel and it needed to simmer for just a few, if it went too long...it would boil all over the top of the stove making one heck of a mess.
So yes, maybe now you can see why I was "mother" too.
Sisters at times. I hope I never forget, going to the Induros, a type of motorcycle race based on time management and skill, with Glen (step-father~kind of). We would walk to the outhouse together, my mother was scared to death to be by herself, and on the way back to where our camp was, she would start running, then she would start laughing. In turn I would start running and I too would start laughing to a point that we would have to run back to the out house to relieve ourselves again. Sometimes it would take us an hour for our "little walk". Those experiences still bring a huge smile to my face.
Or that funny little thing that she used to do when it was cold out side. We would get into the car or inside our warm home and she would jump and make a eer sound. What's really funny is that I didn't notice it until a friend of hers pointed it out one time, then it caused us both (mom & I) to laugh everytime we noticed her doing it.
I miss my mom.
You know what I thought was very strange and for the longest time I could not grasp was my mother's jealousy. How showed itself...she would pick on me, she would try to impress me and what I didn't get for even a longer time...she would try to compete with me, she would become so annoyed when I wouldn't compete along with her. Frankly I didn't have a clue.
Strange what will pop into your head at moments like these, I can distinctly remember Christopher and I sitting in a car talking waiting for Grandma Linda to do whatever it was she was doing. When I looked at him and said, "I hope you never feel the way I do about your grandmother, about me". He looked over at me and said "don't worry mama, I love you". In response I said, "You don't understand, I love my mother very much, I don't like a lot of what she does". That gave me some real insight.
Just before my mother passed, I remember her actually telling that she was jealous of me, in spite of her wanting me to have a better life than she had had. She was jealous that I had all that she had wanted. A real partner in life (Shaun) and a good relationship with my boys. She added "Even if you are too hard on them". That cracked me up, her telling me I was too hard on them...didn't she remember how hard she was on me???
Which brings me yet to another wonderful memory of my mother. She had decided early on with the boys that instead of trying to fulfill their wishes on holidays & birthdays, also in attempt to curtail duplicate items from other family. My mother just took them shopping. She would hand them each x amount of money and then they had to decide what they wanted most within their budget. They would spend hours going store to store, aisle to aisle, until they figured out just what they wanted & could afford. You know everyone looked forward to that special time with their Grandma Linda.
Just some of the wonderful experiences I am happy that they shared with my mother.
(ldb)

A Simple Lesson for the Brain:

I don't know who wrote this but he nailed it!

Once upon a time the government had a vast junk yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said , "someone may steal from it at night.." So they created a night 
watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So
they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write 
the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks 
correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people.
One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created 
the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two
people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?
"So they created an administrative section and hired three people,
an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and 
we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly. Let it sink in.

Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the
DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY ..... during the Carter Administration?
Anybody?

Anything?

No?

Didn't think so!

Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency 
... the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!

Ready?? It was very simple ... and, at the time, everybody thought it very 
appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8-04-1977. 
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND, NOW, IT'S 2009 -- 32 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS
"NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. THEY HAVE 16,000
FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND, 
LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?"

Ah, yes -- good ole bureaucracy.