Random Thoughts

This is my place to share my thoughts however random with freedom to express myself in full, some might say to fully.
 Most of those who have known me most of my life know of my "Daddy-Glen" and have just figured that he was my father. Well, he was, for he was always there, not always in a positive fashion, which I choose not to discuss. You will read into it what you will and what you suspect is probably correct. That being said, I would like to share with you what Daddy Glen taught me,
 He taught me to work on cars, ride motorcycles, drive tractors and road-graders. He taught me how to start responsible fires (he was a fireman), for burning weeds and debris. He was active in my learning to swim, water-ski and fly. He never said "Girls can't do that!". He usually said, "here let me explain how to do that"," let me show you how", and "I think you can do it, just give it your best". Most of all he encouraged my freedom of speech, although I think he wished he hadn't after allowing that for, I being the rebel that I am, always had a different view point that he rarely liked, agreed with and some times darn right hated, what I had to say.
 He read, 10 or more books in a week, in fact he is the one person that taught me schooling isn't everything. He was raised during the depression and had to quit school in the 8th grade, but you really would never know it unless you saw the way he would spell boat (bote). He also believed that education was all around you, you just had to see it, experience it and apply it. One of his most amazing talents was spotting tools on the freeway, and stopping in time to gather them (though I am sure, he would not recommend that type of action on today's freeways).
 Most of all he was a story teller. Sometimes fanciful, sometimes prophetic. He used to ask me do you know why "Rice Road" was named rice, I said no. And he would be off. He told me that the road people had run out of concrete, asphalt, gravel, dirt, and sand. All they had left to make the road was rice.
 Every time we ventured through Yucca Valley and 29 Palms he would say that the saber tooth tiger was still chasing the giant tortoise, but that he tortoise was still ahead, he went on to say that he has only seem them move 5 inches in the past 25 years. Fun stories, and it's no wonder that he got the name of "Whooper Kelly"
 Prophetic, in that he once said that we would become a cashless society, to which we are very close today. That if we were not careful in who we voted for and on, we would have all of our freedoms taken away. not too much of a stretch to see that today. That the government would issue us all numbers and that if we didn't have a number, we would not be known. Funny, I have in my possession, 2 Social Security Cards that read, not for identification purposes imprinted on them. Yet today, you must have a Social Security Card.
 It seems that he had more wisdom than time to share.
 If he could remember who I was, I would love to sit down and share with him how much he taught me about the world. How much I apprecatie the freedom of speech that he allowed he and how, some how, he often protected me, when he could from my mothers wrath and fists.
 Thank you Daddy Glen, Glen Whopper Kelly! Thank you for being my dad.

Ldb (JB)

 It wasn't until April 18th, 2003 that I came to know my sister. I had however, spoken with her once on the phone during the last days of my mother's life.
 It was due to this so-called friend that my mother had, Magdalene, that my mom and sister even met. Magdalene was always butting in to things that were none of her business. This time, I will not only forgive her but honor her for the joy it ultimately brought my mother and myself.  Thank you Maggie, wherever you are!
 You see in my mother's last several months here, she had chosen not to share with me what was really happening to her. She was nearly homeless, living with out electricity, heat and often food. My sister, helped her with food, helped her with obtaining utilities, and brought her love, friendship and some joy with sis's grand children.
 My mother had just passed , myself, Shaun & the boys were left with the task of cleaning up. It saddens me to know that my mother, towards the end, thought so little of herself, that she had felt so hopeless and lost.
  I called my sister, when I mustered up the courage (a childhood thing that I am still working on), and shared of my mothers passing. After the first of many kind words, we then continued to talk briefly, before hanging up, she asked when were we headed back to my mothers place. She responded ok, we'll see you there.
 That day came and when we arrived, there was my sister, her husband, and grandson. We greeted each other and she gave me the biggest warmest hug! Which I will never forget.
 This family, worked side by side with us and another friend, for the better part of three longs days. Refusing to accept even the most modest of gifts in an attempt to share our appreciation.That last afternoon that we worked to finish cleaning up, her granddaughter had made me a card, which I treasure to this day. Which shared with me that I would always be her family. The sharing of this wonderful family hasn't stopped yet.
 Within the next several weeks, my sister led me to a place of healing, comfort and family, ironically to my roots of my heritage. She helped me walk when I felt so lost, in strange ways very alone, alone for that female connection that on a physical plane was gone.
 This family had only known my mother for a few short months, yet it felt like a lifetime. During my mother's memorial at a park she loved, I had only a few close family there; at first I was angry, then I was sad and one more time so alone. I was so happy when I turned to see my Sister and her family, comforted in ways that I don't think I can find the exact words to express. The memorial was small, short and sweet, I had learned much that I had not known about my mother and her love for myself and my children.
 It couldn't be because we were both to stubborn to hear the other one talk (smile)?
 Afterward, the kids and I took off our shoes, wading in the creek at the park, playing with the ducks.
It was there and then that I was adopted my this woman and her family, it was then that she announced to everyone there that I had lost a mother by gained a sister.
 Oh life isn't always smooth sailing within families (as if you didn't already know that), but she is there whether she is mad, sad or happy with me. Whenever I reach out, she is there.
 What I can share with her in return is my love, loyal, undying, unconditional love as she has shared with me.
 Sadly, it wasn't but 7 months later that she too lost her mother. I wasn't as helpful (at least I feel that way) as she was to me during my time of need, never the less, I tired hard.
 I strive everyday, to be available to her and family, to the best of by ability. She has become my biggest fan, my strongest promoter and one of my greatest teachers so-to-speak in this path of my life. It is with great difficulty that I resist the urge to put her on a pedestal.
 Adore her, admire her, love her, disagree with her,YES!  I hope to never put her on a pedestal.
 I love you Sis! Thank you!
  ldb

I have been pondering and weighting the information of facts and ideas, only to come to one conclusion.
 Yes, global warming is a truth, but not in the "crisis, panic or hysterical" which so many in the media portray.
 The fact of the matter is, that the earth has been warming since the last Ice Age; Truth, really. You see in my little ventures to the library to research genealogical information, more and more truths become clear.
 How many of you were alive, or do you remember the late 60's through to the mid 70's the cry was about global cooling, the coming Ice Age?. Don't believe me, well sit down at a microfiche machine at a local archive and begin to read.
 Scientifically, my mind says that there are so many things in play that are not being included in the great debate of this issue. You see our earth is so old and we only have recorded weather for such a short section of the earth's history it is really tough to be sure.
 What I have found in my research and investigation, of which I am not a professional, is that many of these scientists that concur a theory of global warming in their view are ironically funded by government grants. There are very few scientists, who are granted government grants, who disagree.
 Gee, I am not a genius, but if you receive this grant money for your employment and monetary needs, then suddenly it is proven that the earth warming isn't as dire as you have proclaimed... then wouldn't these funds dry up, therefore the funding gets cut and then you loose. Right?
 Too many logical people have forgotten that in December of 2004 an earthquake. with tsunami, which followed, in Indonesia changed the earths rotation and its axis. Remember the leap second, kind of like the leap year that happens every 4 years. I had never experienced a leap second before, had you?
 We also have a weakening of several magnetic fields, which happen cyclically, as per historical earth records recorded.
 There is the issue of the micro climates that have been created, like Palm Springs, CA, which is now dependent upon air conditioners verses the evaporative coolers that used to work well due to its natural dry climate. What happen you say? People built a few thousand golf courses, many houses with thousands of pools, thus creating a micro-climate with much more humidity than what was the norm.
 It would have been interesting to have been knowledgeable enough at the time, when California began digging for the huge Diamond Lake project and the Seven Oaks dam, to know what changes will and have occurred.
 Then there is that huge secret in China and the truth behind the 3 gorges dam. There are scientists which say that the weight of the water alone behind that damn, can cause not only added earthquakes to the area, but could again, change the earth's axis and rotation yet, again.
 One thing is for sure, our planet is a living thing some call "Mother" and that she is in a constant state of change. Yet, in all our so-called effort to help her are we?
 What we have done is create a irresponsible society, we buy everything disposable from diapers to mops. Back when I was a kid we used a regular mop, rags and handkerchiefs. I do believe that we should recycle, why not? We pay for it anyway,I will make the most of it.  I recycle cans, plastic, paper and give my glass to a person who is willing to recycle that.
 For the most part, I do not throw my vegetable matter in the trash can, it goes into my garden area to be dug in, along with the leaves that fall off my trees. I am not saying that I am not wasteful, because I am. There are times and places that disposable is the softer, easier way.
 What about your choice in light bulbs? Florescent will help with the use of electricity, but did you know that they contain mercury which IS very harmful to the planet. We switched to LED s, they use little to no electricity (easy on our budget); you will have to look hard for them but the are out there.
 If this has done nothing more, I hope that it has caused you to read, investigate for your self and to think.
~ldb

I felt a need to respond to people's misinterpretation of my post titled "I am Weird?"


Back in the day, I would have looked for ways to upset your life, and keep it going for a long time.

Today, I pray.

Life is far too short to make mountains out of mole hills, yet, I still do so, many times. I am far from perfect, I really don't strive to be perfect either. Being perfect is much more work than I care to deal with. Instead, I strive for progress, that! I can be successful at.


Should you feel the need in stir things up, you might look at yourself first. I can not speak for you, but I can share of my experiences. When I have felt the need to stir things up, for me it was a distraction for what was really bothering me. You know, stuff about myself, my life or my partner that I choose not to address. For myself, it was much easier to view, take inventory if you will, of someone else's life and see what was wrong in my opinion, rather than to deal with what was at hand in my own life.


I have sowed a hard road, some by choice, some not. I take full responsibility for my choices in my life and the outcomes. Which has not always been very pleasant. I also take part responsibility for my reactions to choices that were out of my control.
I am the way I am, simply because I am. My life experiences, my surroundings, and the people who have been in my life.


Oh, I could blame the character defects, so to speak, on all those surrounding me, or I can choose to make a difference. Some 20+ years ago, I chose to make a difference.
Oh believe you me, I digress here and there, I don't feel as strong as I would like, nor as wise as I wish to be at times. I believe that is just being human.
So today, I choose to pray for your peace, your happiness and for you to receive everything in life you desire.


By some strange happenings, not of my doing, nor any other human influence, I have seen people receive exactly what they have given, sometimes 3 fold; good or bad, seems to make no difference. It is in Great Spirit's hands not mine.


What I do know, is that I have a great, wonderful, and loving support group of family and friends that help me through rough times in my life and are there to to celebrate the great little things in my life. These wonderful people start with my husband, followed by my sons, my sisters of blood and spirit (JABS that includes you!). As I have written before, I have a strong spirit family out of choice of love rather than by the dictated ties of blood.


If this offends you, I ask why? For I respect your choices in life, why shouldn't you respect mine?


Should you feel the need to go after my family, husband, son, sisters, brothers, and/or friends, with similar untruths or misinterpretations, I can react much as a mother bear or badger would to protect it's family. Yes, I can be tenacious and relentless when it comes to things I believe. This is not a threat, nor should it be perceived as a threat, it is a honest as I can be. For when you enter my circle, so to speak, I am loyal to the end.


In closing I would like to quote a movie "You can play the blame game clear back to Adam and Eve, Or I can start with yourself". I have chosen to start with me.

I unfortunately or fortunately, how ever you might want to say it. Just saw a story that really disturbed my soul. It was about an honor roll student who was hit in the head with a railroad tie, then once down, was repeatedly hit over and over again. Only to be hit one more time by the railroad tie.
Sadly no one would help, no one would come to his aide, sadly many did not display any emotion what so ever, someone continued to video tape it for our "supposed" viewing pleasure.
Sadly, very sadly the young man died.

The person reporting on this tragedy said, how could this happen in America?
I have an idea.
In the past decade we have bombarded our children with devices that disconnect us to human interaction. I know I have witnessed it myself. My son and many of his friends used to talk a lot to each other, until the new Iphone appeared on the scene. Now most of his friends hang out, occasionally looking at each other occasionally speaking a few words. What are they doing? They are busy texting each other and other friends. Most no longer interact by any other means.

Surprisingly, their are those strong enough to break this spell. They read, they talk and play games with their friends who have not been afforded these devices.
I guess this really hits home because recently, our oldest was home, his cell phone was only in his pocket when he wasn't at the house. The old neighborhood kids got together, they skateboarded, rode their bikes, played multi-player video games, listened to vinyl, and watched movies together. Shaun said to me,"You know the same sounds have been coming out of that room for the past 17 years". He continued, "it might be just as loud as it used to be". "I disagree", I said. "For now instead of of there being 8-10 kids in the room, now there were only 5 or 6 with deeper voices that carry much further".

I guess what I am saying is take time to go without those devices so that we don't become a country of sleep walking people.

Remembering Linda, my mother, my sometimes sister and often later in life my daughter. "You Jest" you say. I say "Not!". Funny when you grow up depending on only one another it can breed a very interesting, strange and strained relationship.
In hind sight, I am sure that much had to do with my mother's own up bringing, combined with the loss of her mother at the age of 24 with many things left unsaid, unresolved and no understanding of the whys in her life.
By the age of 30 Linda also lost her sister, her only sibling and her 4 young nephews. In some ways she had lost her sister years before due to lifestyles that we unacceptable to Linda. Not only were they unacceptable (hippy era); drugs and rock n roll, which proved to be at times life threatening.
As Linda moved through these situations they changed her, as with all of the life experiences had, in time although very capable, Linda grew more fearful every year. Lossing more and more self- esteem, confidence, and in some ways the loss of her life force.
By the time I was in 5th grade, I was responsible to have dinner pretty much done when she arrived home after work, I cooked, cleaned, reluctantly did the dishes ( I honestly hid as many as I could instead of doing them), did the laundry, mowed the lawn and yes even washed the cars. I would make sure my mother got up in the morning to make it to work, make the coffee. We had one of those coffee pots that had a pot on the bottom and a funnel like top, as the water would boil, it would come to the top of the funnel and it needed to simmer for just a few, if it went too long...it would boil all over the top of the stove making one heck of a mess.
So yes, maybe now you can see why I was "mother" too.
Sisters at times. I hope I never forget, going to the Induros, a type of motorcycle race based on time management and skill, with Glen (step-father~kind of). We would walk to the outhouse together, my mother was scared to death to be by herself, and on the way back to where our camp was, she would start running, then she would start laughing. In turn I would start running and I too would start laughing to a point that we would have to run back to the out house to relieve ourselves again. Sometimes it would take us an hour for our "little walk". Those experiences still bring a huge smile to my face.
Or that funny little thing that she used to do when it was cold out side. We would get into the car or inside our warm home and she would jump and make a eer sound. What's really funny is that I didn't notice it until a friend of hers pointed it out one time, then it caused us both (mom & I) to laugh everytime we noticed her doing it.
I miss my mom.
You know what I thought was very strange and for the longest time I could not grasp was my mother's jealousy. How showed itself...she would pick on me, she would try to impress me and what I didn't get for even a longer time...she would try to compete with me, she would become so annoyed when I wouldn't compete along with her. Frankly I didn't have a clue.
Strange what will pop into your head at moments like these, I can distinctly remember Christopher and I sitting in a car talking waiting for Grandma Linda to do whatever it was she was doing. When I looked at him and said, "I hope you never feel the way I do about your grandmother, about me". He looked over at me and said "don't worry mama, I love you". In response I said, "You don't understand, I love my mother very much, I don't like a lot of what she does". That gave me some real insight.
Just before my mother passed, I remember her actually telling that she was jealous of me, in spite of her wanting me to have a better life than she had had. She was jealous that I had all that she had wanted. A real partner in life (Shaun) and a good relationship with my boys. She added "Even if you are too hard on them". That cracked me up, her telling me I was too hard on them...didn't she remember how hard she was on me???
Which brings me yet to another wonderful memory of my mother. She had decided early on with the boys that instead of trying to fulfill their wishes on holidays & birthdays, also in attempt to curtail duplicate items from other family. My mother just took them shopping. She would hand them each x amount of money and then they had to decide what they wanted most within their budget. They would spend hours going store to store, aisle to aisle, until they figured out just what they wanted & could afford. You know everyone looked forward to that special time with their Grandma Linda.
Just some of the wonderful experiences I am happy that they shared with my mother.
(ldb)

A Simple Lesson for the Brain:

I don't know who wrote this but he nailed it!

Once upon a time the government had a vast junk yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said , "someone may steal from it at night.." So they created a night 
watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So
they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write 
the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks 
correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people.
One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created 
the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two
people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?
"So they created an administrative section and hired three people,
an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and 
we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

NOW slowly. Let it sink in.

Quietly, we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the
DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY ..... during the Carter Administration?
Anybody?

Anything?

No?

Didn't think so!

Bottom line. We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency 
... the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember!

Ready?? It was very simple ... and, at the time, everybody thought it very 
appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8-04-1977. 
TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND, NOW, IT'S 2009 -- 32 YEARS LATER -- AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS
"NECESSARY" DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. THEY HAVE 16,000
FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND, 
LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!
THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?"

Ah, yes -- good ole bureaucracy.

I am very proud to have the sons that I do. Down to earth, independent, (except housing)self-sufficient, strong and stand for what they believe in. They compliment each other with their differences and common interests enough to be brothers and friends. We are close, because we have had to be; want to be; we are not each others best friends, nor do we strive to be.
I believe that is because we truly respect each other, love and have compassion. Sure we have our differences, but the bond holds strong, but not binding.

Do we really know the cycles of the earth, is it warming, or is it cooling? What I do know is that the mid-Atlantic conveyor system is slightly off this year, and that is truly something I worry about.

Competition can be healthy, a friendly game, a school sports team, or even in a car cruise. I know all about competition, I knowingly competed in sports since the second grade, where we ran to the back fence and back in the school yard. Never did I realize how deep my competition went.
In Jr. High I started on the track team, was fair at running and I loved to run.
But I wasn't fast, fast enough, but not enough for all those short distances. Soon the classes were running further than just 50, 100 and 200 yard dashes. We began running quarter mile and half mile, that is when I became aware the I was doing better, not in last place, for what I didn't have in speed I had in stamina.
In High School, I heard of Cross Country running, I wasn't too sure of that, I wasn't sure at all. A fellow class mate Pam Corrales, and myself were the first two girls on our schools cross country team. Pam was very good, (fasted in the league at that time)I lagged behind, far behind the first part of the season. Then I started in improve. It was very strange and cool at the same time, for there wasn't but a few girls in the league at that time. The following year things grew, and grew quickly.
We had Julie Reams, Jackie Bennette and Karen Morris as the most notable in the entire league. They were all awesome. In a nutshell I stuck with the team the next 4 years, working up to an average of 125 miles a week. Some days were short distance days, others were tough. One loop in particular started at California High school near the corner of Mills and Mulberry, on the south/eastern edge of Whittier, and went to Workman Mill peak (a hill) at the north western edge of Whittier. That loop alone was 25 miles.
What happened during this time is what has sparked some interesting behavior in myself. I would walk down a street, I found that if someone tried to walk past me in the same direction, I would speed up my pace. Soon I noticed I did the same thing while driving, with girlfriends (seeing who could get a date first) and so on. Then one day in my senior year, it all came to a head so to say. Suddenly, I was tired of competing in everything I did. So tired that my coach worked hard on talking me out of quitting the team. Boy was I glad he did. For that year we were able to take the league in both Cross Country, Track & Field landing us in CIF finals. It was a blast!
I changed my focus and still did good, I now had a healthier outlook on the rest of my life. I didn't speed up when walkers were starting to pass me, nor did I compete with other drivers on the road.
That lesson was learned.
Please don't think for one minute that I still don't think about speeding up when that car in the next lane is edging upon me, because I do. I am human and it is natural to compete; after all that is how our species has survived. So the next time you find yourself, subconsciously speeding up when that car or person is edging up to you, just chalk it up the genetic memory.

The following has nothing to do with competition, but everything to do with a memory from the team I was on that Senior year. It was round 2 of CIF finals, Track and Field, as we sat and watched our competition our spirits kind of got lost. I don't know if it was because we were burned out, or if we just knew we were going be toast but this song has stuck in my head.
It's an old tune; "going to the Chapel and we going get married".
Strange you say! Why yes it is! Team members changed the words and it stuck: "going to the track meet and were going to get buried". Every time I hear that song, I smile and sing the words we did that surreal day in 1980.
Yes, it is very strange, but very fond memories.
~LB

Pondering life's thoughts often come at the most unique times, most unexpected times. Thinking back on all the people I have known, loved and lost. It is easy to come to a place where everything becomes negative, depressing and downright heart wrenching.
Picking up a newspaper, turning on the television, checking your email we are almost all bombarded with upsetting news. From weather, wildfires and earthquakes to robberies, politics and gang shootings. Again it may cause you to think, what's the use, everything seems to have so much unnecessary negative vibes.
I used to feel really bad for losing a unborn one, a young one, and the really special people in my life. Of course I feel the loss of them and there is pain, for the physical presence now gone. Yet overall I am happy for those who have come a gone, for how they have touched, influenced and in some cases changed my life. Happy that from my view point, they have learned, taught and touched all that and who they were, for lack of better words, destined to reach.
Believing the way I do, everything has a purpose, a life blueprint, maybe even pre-destined outcome. Many would elude me to being a fatalist, categorize me as a nutcase and or just out of this realm. That may very well be, so believe what you will, what you must. All is based on my experiences in my life.
It sort of starts with my father abandoning me before I was born claiming that I was not his, until I was nearly 16. When I was 2 almost 3 years old my grandmother perished in a car collision which nearly killed my grandfather too. It did cause the death of the beloved family dog, Cindy. All to often I have heard that it was so sad that I would never know my grandmother, that I would not ever remember her. In which case my mother often caused alarm to those with such thoughts, for I remembered, the home she lived in, bringing my grandmother her medicine, and playing with grandma in her favorite medium of clay.
Life went along fairly smooth for a while, with the exception of my mother barely having enough money to make ends meet. Surviving a few car accidents.

1971 was a most memorable year. In February Newhall, California experienced a 6.9 earthquake. My mother was terrified of earthquakes, back then I thought it was because her boyfriend Glen (who I choose to call my step father) was a firefighter. We were lucky enough to hear from him about once or twice within the next several weeks of clean up and repair. My mother purchased our home, which completely changed our lives. Not necessarily in a positive way from my view point. Enjoyed our first two pets a puppy named Fritz and cat named Rachel.
My first year attending the neighborhood school and meeting my long time friend Delene (still in contact with). It was a huge year for me.
I often associate more loss with this year as well even though it was really in the beginning of 1972. It was very early morning. I woke up to my mother's voice on edge and sobbing. It was the end of the New Year's holiday weekend. The call was informing my mother that her sister had died, along with her 4 children. The news threw me into a tailspin, coming to believe at that time that this was all a very horrible joke. The only Aunt that I knew and the only cousins that I knew were all gone. I felt extremely alone. As I look now, I can only imagine how my Uncle felt, having his entire family snatched from him, for him to having had survived, alone. Yet, it wasn't over yet. My aunt and cousins death was followed by my step grandmother's a month later as well as my uncle's mother a month after that.

Somehow, I was blessed with the eyes to watch as my uncle put himself back together, reconnecting with people he had helped in his life and eventually becoming whole once again.
A few years later, he met the second love of his life, married, had another child and believe it or not has no regrets for the way his life has worked out. What I have left out up to this point, is that my uncle nearly lost his life that early morning, 3 different times. A series of 3 ones. If he had slept 1 more minute, took 1 more breathe of smoke, cut 1 millimeter deeper, he would have died. Clearly, he wasn't finished with what he was to do.
I believe that is when I came to believe in something beyond all of us. Call it what ever you will, but I truly believe it is there. Something that keeps me from harms way, puts me in harms way for what ever reason, lesson, learning that I am to experience.
For me there is no senseless death, killing, or disaster, it all has a purpose. Whether it is for you to see the purpose or not is not something I can say, for only you would be able to answer that question.
I can share what I believe, what I have experienced and offer an alternative view.
I did not write this sharing my thoughts and experience for sympathy, nor to brag, simply to share why I am the way I am. Who I am.
This is only a brief portion of my life that I feel comfortable to share at this time, I am fairly sure that I will share more as time goes on.
~LB

Maybe it due to the fire, or is it just coming together with old friends that ignite my memories of days past.
One of the first visits to Los Rios and Riley's that I remember vividly, was Thanksgiving weekend, about 1987. Timothy in his baby backpack, Christopher in his Stroller. Obviously flat landers in this scene of Mountain Men.
Funny the people I remember well to this day. Jim and Brenda, Doug, Cindy, Dennis A., Lighting with his dogs, Bill, Eleanor, Ray, Barbara and Turtle.
We walked the historical time line that was presented using both ranches; it was titled "A Walk Through History". It started with some Celts and ended with 1899.
We started up at the store, walked down the hill to the meadow, on to the grove, down the back hill across the road (Oak Glen Rd) over to Riley's Apple shed and ended at the barn.
Over the years Los Rios became a favorite hang out with friends and my children. Traversing all of Oak Glen road to a point that I knew it as well as the back of my hand. Then that fateful day that we were invited to camp at Los Rios historical encampment.
Huge thanks to Little John and Val.
As life often does, it sets you on a path that can have benefits far reaching. Shaun and John reconnected at a Pow-wow in Lucerne Valley. Ironically, they had seen each other a few times at pow-wow each telling their spouses "That guy looks familiar, I know I know him". They both pointed to each other until they made the connection to La Puente High and Shaun's sister, Michele.
We camped at Los Rios for many years on Memorial and Thanksgiving weekends, often causing some resentment from blood family members. We felt at home at camp, made many friends which became family.
Rusty and our family attended a wedding in the grove that had some very interesting things happen on a spiritual level. They participants could not get a flame to say lit to lit the sage, there was a 4.5 earthquake during the women's ceremony and the groom eventually ended up in jail, guilty of murder. Sometimes you need to listen to those signs, all of them.
All in all lots of great memories, sitting around campfires, listening to Bill play his guitar, Turtle on his washtub bass and Timothy with his pit noises. Subtle murmurings into the wee hours of the morning, laughing, smoke rising in the meadow making the present feel and seem like the past.
Way to many people to forget, Rusty, Marley, Mario (rip). Dennis A (rip), Doug, Ann, Cindy, Bear walker, Jim, Brenda, Bill, Eleanor, Little John, Val, Steve, Melody, Half Blanket, Brown Hand, Terry Tall hat, Ray, Used Bead John (rip), 2 Hawks, Lightening and Dawn. So many more....

Although most see only the destruction of a forest fire,the loss of life of wild animals and the destruction of cabins and homes.

I see so much more.

The fire itself is beautiful, the flame as it leaps,
stretching as far as it can to reach it's next target.
With it's hues of red, orange, yellow, sometimes blue.
Yes there is destruction, but there is so much more.
It is the forest purging itself of the deceased, the infected, the weak, clearing the ground for rebirth, renewal and tender balance, forever making way for the strong to survive.

In California as well as in Australia, the native peoples of the land, burned it for just those purposes. It had been noted in several history books, of the "park like setting" of Southern California.

It has only been when we, who thought we have the power to control and manage our forests, created unbalance. Upsetting natures natural balance, cycles, seasons of life, which in turn have proven to be deadly decisions.
We plant more trees than the land can support, introduce invading species that strange out the indigenous and keep insisting that we know better than Mother Nature.
Then the dreaded day comes when Mother Nature just reaches out and smacks us back, putting us in our proper place in this life.

After the fire, springs to life species of plants that were thought to be extinct, the production of seed, nuts or flowers which needed it to reach the plants full cycle. In some cases it will take many years to see the true benefits of the fire.

The animals, well that old thing called "natural selection", I believe has much to do with whether an animal survived or not. Again, purging the animal species of the sick, weak and carriers of negative parasites.